32 years in 32 lines

They knew the same songs.
The unfamiliar, they taught each other.
He seemed calm, loyal, trustworthy.
She seemed active, social, worldly.

They each played their game well.
“Years later, they still loved each other but wished it were different.”
He wanted her to be weaker.
She wanted him to be stronger.

His growing disappointment and sadness make him seem even weaker.
Her all encompassing work made her seem even stronger.
He withheld. He worked and was away volunteering.
She withdrew. She worked and was away traveling.

“They loved each other better apart.”
When apart, they could each imagine the other the way they wanted them to be.
How would it continue?
How could it continue?

God, the Fates, Karma, eased him into Death,
To a place where he is prepared, trained, and always “good enough”,
And forcing her to do grief’s work, learn grief’s lessons.
Years later, she finally understood she loved him more now because they would be always apart.
She has, very slowly, crawled back into life.
Guilt has absolved into the easier regret.
She knows now that they spent too much time waiting for the change in the other
That they really needed to make in themselves.

Those changes she had wanted in him, she needed in herself.
She was the one who needed to be stronger, in spirit and in confidence.
She was shown a new path. Thank you, Ilene.
The seeds of new ideas were planted. Thank you, Nicole.

She will continue telling everyone she loves, every day, that she loves them,
But she will live in each moment.
She will allow herself to be present in every conversation and in every emotion,
But she will continue dreaming.